Lamaze Classes
Lamaze classes are interesting-mainly to women. Here is where you and your wife go to learn how to do something that humans have been doing for millions of years without classes. That is, until somebody somewhere figured out, “Hey, we could teach people to have a baby the natural (more painful) way and charge them for it.” Once again, your wife is the one who’s having the baby, so the class pretty much centers around her.
Preparing A Room For The Baby
Before you bring a baby home, it would be an especially good idea if you have a place ready for it to stay. This is something that should be done sooner rather than later. For example, it’s nearly impossible to put up ducky wallpaper while your wife is complaining that her water just broke. And, it’s totally impossible to assemble a crib while rushing a pregnant woman to the hospital.
You might think you’ll have time to prepare a room while your wife is in the hospital recovering, but trust me, you won’t. After the baby is born you’ll be too upset thinking about the medical bills and about having to change diapers to do much of anything that requires the use of tools. So, start early-sometime in the second trimester (when your wife is at least near normal) is probably best.
Preparing the baby’s room is actually quite easy and far less trying then dealing with a pregnant woman. In fact, it is probably something you may want to do from time to time just to get a break from your wife. Just remember that babies are very simple people. They basically just look around, poop, eat, spit, cry, poop, eat, spit, and cry. Therefore they really don’t need a lot of excess stuff in the room. Just make sure you have a nice safe bed and some cool things for them to look at. Unfortunately though, no matter how many footballs you place in the room, the baby is not going to think of these as anything other than something else to spit up on.
Technorati Tags: Preparing A Room, Unborn Baby, Pregnant Wife, Guide for Father
Yes, You Should Talk To Your Unborn Child
Believe it or not, your wife is probably going to insist that you talk to or even read a book to your unborn child. This is because a number of studies done by scientists (who were obviously really bored) seem to have shown that talking to an unborn child may be embarrassing for you but good for the baby. It’s one of those theories like “No two snowflakes are alike.” They can’t prove it, but you can’t disprove it either. Since they are scientists (who for some unknown reason specialize in this sort of thing) and you’re not, guess who your wife is going to listen to?
Your best course of action is to grin and bear it, and hope nobody is watching you on a hidden camera or something. It will help you get through this if you talk about subjects that are near and dear to your heart, such as your favorite TV shows and sports teams. This will allow you to keep at least some semblance of your manhood. Plus, if those wacky scientists are right, your baby will be born with incredible taste. Of course, the best benefit from all this will be you’ll get a happy wife, and a happy pregnant woman is much easier to deal with than a non-happy one.
Technorati Tags: unborn child, talk to, pregnant wife, guide for father
When Your Pregnant Wife is Craving
Cravings are extreme longings for a strange food or strange combinations of food that can appear at any time during pregnancy. In theory, these cravings can occur any time during a pregnancy; in reality, these cravings always occur in the dead of night on the coldest day of the year (even during the summertime). These cravings can vary from things like a peanut butter sandwich with pickles, olives, and catsup, to really disgusting things such as Spam and airline food.
Cravings are very easy to deal with. Simply do everything in your power to satisfy them-even if this means making a quick road trip to Siberia for really natural frozen ice cream. It is worth it for the peace of mind and the quiet you will receive for making your wife happy (and remember, she can’t hit you while you’re gone 
).
Technorati Tags: Pregnant Wife, Craving, father
Hey, Man. Your Wife is Pregnant!!
Your wife is pregnant. To put it in its simplest terms, she has a real live little person growing at a fantastic rate inside her body.
In the span of roughly nine months this baby will grow from the size of one little cell (really small) to around the size of a watermelon (really big when you think about it-although you might not want to mention that analogy to your wife). In between, hormones fire off, chemicals interact, and this little cell grows arms, legs, organs, and everything else a baby needs to be a living, breathing, little person that will be wrecking the car before you know it.
You’re probably thinking: “So, how does this affect me? After all, my wife’s the one who does all the work. I just have to sit around and hope the birth doesn’t conflict with my tee-off time.” But if the truth be known, you actually have the hardest job of all: you have to live with a pregnant person!
